it makes me a little sad and nostalgic to think that one of the reasons why i didnt go to the Art Institute of Atlanta was because I couldnt picture how i would separate myself from the other photographers. its hard for me to comprehend that photography is slowly seeming to transform from this tremendous art form, to something so commercialized. i do think that photography is an art form, and should remain such.

but here i am, a religious studies major, not a photographic imaging major. what do i know.

life is good, i feel like i am coasting through... biding my time until graduation and i become a real adult. haha sure.

im looking already to separate myself from the college part of my life so soon, looking into internships, jobs, i try to be one step ahead even though i often am not.

i met someone who told me they would propose to me if i was graduated already. i wonder how i am suppose to respond to that.. thankfully i dont remember how i responded to it. it is comforting to be in a solid relationship. even though the whole marriage thing scares me a little.

still, im happy.

love.

i guess i dont need anyone to feel happy.
but i feel unhappy when i consider my singleness.

my life is a whirwind, im so busy.
i dont have time for a special person in my life, but i still want one.

i havent hand any hmm hmm hmm in a long time. someone told me to just go out and get some, forget being in a relationship.

i thought about it. but then realized im just not "that" type of girl. i dont think i ever want to solicit that if im not in a relationship. casual sex is cool for some people, just not for me. even if i was poo faced drunk i still dont think it would be a wise decision.

anyway.

i guess i just want someone to hug me all the time.

;T

hello fellow DA people:

im doing well. very well. much better than how i was. first off, im still single. which still sucks. but i am not allowing peter or our past relationship take hold of my life. i am relatively happy living this way, im learning how to get on with my life with no significant other by my side. it has taken me over five months to come out of the dark hole, but now im out, and there is no going back.

this is my first semester at a state university, and i have a current gpa of 3.7. isnt that wonderful? well i simply think so. that is the highest gpa i have ever had. im doing really well in my classes. scholarship time.

i have taken up another dance class. its not ballet, no malheursement i cannot afford it anymore. but ive been taking ballroom dancing. something i had been interested in even before it hit the media. so far we've learned east cost swing, and we are now learning the waltz. im in heaven.

i have joined a... gasp sorority. i guess i really am the token blonde girl now huh. in all seriousness, its wonderful. i have made some amazing friends. friendships i would have normally never had, people i would have normally never met, people who've kept me busy, happy. ive been meeting a lot of people, and for a girl starting out with not a lot of friends, thats a good thing.

i also just received a note today, which probably just made my year:
it was from the-torture-twitch :

".from.one.dan.to.another.
.youre.beynd.simple.words.of.beauty.
.speechless.and.undescriable.
.even.to.an.adept.poet.
.words.become.lost.for.you."

i love you. you made me very happy.

may is coming. means schools gonna be over, and the first round of my closest friends starts turning 20. i feel old.

well yeah im gonna go gape at the oscars. i just want to hear their speeches yo.

peace and love to all!



dan

eat poop.

xx

things feel like.. they are going wrong for me right now.

my parents are in a hard time. my father has been unemployed for 11 months. they have always been able to pull through, but its failing now.

i am in love with someone who doesnt love me anymore. and i think what is worse is that i cant make them love me anymore. i have lost my support system; my rock. my heart is forever his and i am worried it will always be that way.

i have an auto immune deficiency, and i went to a health conference this past weekend. yeah yeah it was informative, but depressing as hell. i have a 70-80% higher risk for ovarian and breast cancer than people without this disease. i have just been crying the past few days, thinking i am too young to think like this. i am too young to change my diet, too young to change my ways! too young to think about these things! lord help me.

i am losing too much weight. ive been depressed before, but im not now. even though i dont think that people who have been diagnosed clinical depression actually have the right to say that.. but everyone is depressed nowadays. but seriously i havent thought about suicide, cutting, drugging, anything. so yay i get a high five from god. but i havent been eating. ive just seemed to have.. lost my appetite literally. im 5"7, 118. dude im going to have to start drinking ensure. you know, the shit for senior citizens. maybe im purposely falling apart.

and my birthday is coming up. to tell you the truth i wish it wasnt. the only person giving me a birthday party is the one my heart belongs to. im going to see him the day after my birthday, and we are going to spend the day together. i am looking forward to it, but it seems wrong somehow. wrong because i know whats going to happen, wrong because im going to cry buckets on that day, and wrong because his heart doesnt belong to me.

hopefully next time when i update things will be better for me.
i dont feel like reading anyones comments.. so uh. i just really felt like writing all this, for my sake not to see what anyone else had to say about it. thanks.

peace to all.